Caring For Your Needs
Maybe you don't know how to care for your emotions because it was never modeled for you.
Maybe you don't recognize your emotions because you were told to stuff it without being provided the space to process it with a safe adult.
Maybe you don't trust that anyone can handle your emotions with care because you were used to being met with emotional distress by the very people who were supposed to be 'safe' for you.
Maybe you think that your emotions are too burdensome to care for because that is what you experienced from the closest people in your life.
Maybe you are afraid to disappoint someone if you disclose your emotions because you grew up feeling so much pressure to behave and people please at the cost of ignoring your own needs.
Maybe you've told yourself that emotions don't matter, won't change anything, or won't get you anywhere so it's best to avoid them.
The kind of care you were met with when you've felt difficult emotions can help you make sense of your relationship with your own emotions. Identifying your relationship with your own emotions can help you explore the needs that you may need to address.
Numbing and avoiding won't make the feelings go away. That will only intensity the feelings until you "spill over" from emotional overload and it can have very severe consequences to your relationships, decisions, and your life.
Not "burdening" others with your emotions will keep you emotionally disconnected and distant from the people you love and who love you. You will also end up neglecting your own needs.
Not feeling the fullness of your emotions will make it difficult to understand your underlying needs and care for it intentionally and meaningfully. They will linger with no relief.
Staying angry without going deeper to the wounding that feeds the anger will keep you stuck in your resentment, shame, and self-pity.
Even if you didn't get what you needed growing up, you CAN learn to meet your needs NOW.
Hatty J. Lee, LMFT (she/her) is an Asian American licensed marriage and family therapist and brainspotting practitioner who has been practicing for 14 years in community mental health settings, schools, and private practice virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California. As the founder and clinical director of a group practice called Oak and Stone Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, she trains clinicians and supports people to deepen their relationship with themselves and the most important people in their lives. She writes about mental health on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide that integrates visual storytelling, mental health education, and practical tools to support people to heal and thrive.
