Trusting Someone's Love for You
It makes you wonder which is worse:
To feel a sense of belonging to someone, something, or a community where only parts of you are known, yet the self-doubt of your worth never rests in peace. You wonder if someone truly chooses you, or just the acceptable parts of you. You become what you think someone wants or needs you to be. You violate your own boundaries and needs, and never fully show up vulnerable, real, and human as you shrink in your fear of being rejected. You can never fully trust that you are known and loved for ALL of you.
Or to fully show up in your vulnerability, your human self in all it's beautiful and flawed glory, and face the reality that there will be people who cannot love you and choose you as you are. You risk being judged, rejected, and left out. You risk being confronted with your own immaturity and need for growth. You risk being too much or not enough for someone. Yet you get to move forward with a freedom and peace that was never accessible to you before. No extra effort to better present the parts of the less presentable parts of you. No energy wasted pulling up walls and wondering if you are worthy or loveable enough to be known, seen, and still loved. You own your story and you give yourself a real opportunity to be fully known, yet still loved by real people who exist in this world. Trust me, they exist.
The degree in which you allow yourself to be known and seen is the degree that you will be able to trust someone's love for you. Being loved well requires that you show up -- and I don't mean just the pretty and nice parts of you.
I feel grateful today as I reflect on the relationships that have given me the courage to step forward, to own my story, to let myself be seen and known in all the parts of me, to put myself in positions to be rejected. Yes, you will grieve what you will lose. But you will never regret showing up for you and all the other people who work hard to show up fully everyday around you. Choose how you will show up today.
Hatty J. Lee, LMFT (she/her) is an Asian American licensed marriage and family therapist and brainspotting practitioner who has been practicing for 14 years in community mental health settings, schools, and private practice virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California. As the founder and clinical director of a group practice called Oak and Stone Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, she trains clinicians and supports people to deepen their relationship with themselves and the most important people in their lives. She writes about mental health on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide that integrates visual storytelling, mental health education, and practical tools to support people to heal and thrive.
