Too Much?
Too much? It typically has a negative connotation whenever it is used. Maybe too intense? Too sensitive? Too full of emotions? Too nice? Too needy? Too honest? Too transparent? Too vocal? Too open? Too loud? This list can go on and on...
We are all too much of something for somebody and there is usually good reason too - different personalities, upbringing, life experiences, belief systems, defense mechanisms, seasons of growth, etc. It is part who we are and part our reaction or response to the current situation and season in life. We must honor the need that "too much" is responding to in each season, and examine if it is encouraging growth within self and our relationships...and then pivot accordingly if needed.
Sometimes our too much can push people away who might not have the relational bandwidth to understand/know you especially if we don't have the language to communicate what our intentions are. It can create barriers to close relationships and meaningful connections. We must ask ourselves if our too much is something that is an area of growth, or if we are just surrounded by too many people with very low relational capacity.
In other times, too muchness can bring much beauty, opportunities for meaningful connections, and huge growth opportunities. We can sometimes find ourselves leaning in "too much" in one direction as we experience a learning curve (i.e. like learning to open up and then sharing more than you'd like), and that's totally normal. Give yourself room to learn from these opportunities and grow.
Know that your too much for one person is likely a beautiful gift to someone else. We need to surround ourselves with people who can see the beauty in our too much 🤗😘, never apologize for who we are, but we can always apologize for mistakes and for unintentionally hurting others with our "too much".
“You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge. Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone profusely. But don't apologize for being who you are.”
― Danielle Laporte
Hatty J. Lee, LMFT (she/her) is an Asian American licensed marriage and family therapist and brainspotting practitioner who has been practicing for 14 years in community mental health settings, schools, and private practice virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California. As the founder and clinical director of a group practice called Oak and Stone Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, she trains clinicians and supports people to deepen their relationship with themselves and the most important people in their lives. She writes about mental health on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide that integrates visual storytelling, mental health education, and practical tools to support people to heal and thrive.
