Negative Feelings
When we shut down our negative feelings, we run the risk of shutting down our positive feelings too.
Negative emotions are powerful. We feel them before our brains are able to make sense of them. By the time our brains have recognized what is going on, we usually have already made that facial expression, said something passive aggressive, or adjusted our body posture to respond to that emotion. It's like when you accidently send an email before checking twice. Too late. Anyone else ever had that happen to you? 🙋
It is a common response to shut down, disconnect, minimize, mask, or avoid our emotions...because that is the only way we know how to respond when we feel sad, disappointed, rejected, alone, not good enough, or unloved. We shut down hoping to diffuse the conflict, calm down, or avoid upsetting someone...but actually ends intensifying the conflict, increasing anxiety, and hurting and confusing the people we care about.
But emotions aren't meant to be shut down. They are meant to be functional and evolutionary. They tell us what we need.
When we can acknowledge our negative emotions, it helps us feel more grounded and have more control. It also reminds us that we have needs and gives the opportunity for our needs to met by self and other people.
Hatty J. Lee, LMFT (she/her) is an Asian American licensed marriage and family therapist and brainspotting practitioner who has been practicing for 14 years in community mental health settings, schools, and private practice virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California. As the founder and clinical director of a group practice called Oak and Stone Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, she trains clinicians and supports people to deepen their relationship with themselves and the most important people in their lives. She writes about mental health on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide that integrates visual storytelling, mental health education, and practical tools to support people to heal and thrive.
