Conflict is Part of All Relationships
All people experience conflict. It is inevitable. It can be generative, supporting maturing in our relationships, and life-giving. However, sometimes we may find that conflict can be regressive, isolating, and destructive especially if we never grew up learning and observing healthy ways to handle conflict.
When we don't have the tools to handle differences, we often resort to saying something along the lines of "we are just not compatible". Sound familiar? While it is true that having similar backgrounds, interests, worldviews, and upbringings can definitely reduce conflicts at the forefront, conflicts can be an invitation for personal development and opportunities to discover how differences in relationships can bring meaning and beauty into our lives. Instead of viewing capability in a relationship as an absence of conflict, I wonder what would happen if we used our dissatisfaction to help us turn toward self-reflection and toward one another for growth.
Hatty J. Lee, LMFT (she/her) is an Asian American licensed marriage and family therapist and brainspotting practitioner who has been practicing for 14 years in community mental health settings, schools, and private practice virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California. As the founder and clinical director of a group practice called Oak and Stone Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, she trains clinicians and supports people to deepen their relationship with themselves and the most important people in their lives. She writes about mental health on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide that integrates visual storytelling, mental health education, and practical tools to support people to heal and thrive.
