Comparison is the Thief of Joy
We can often find ourselves comparing our losses to the "larger" collective losses that we neglect to make space for the other losses that may feel petty in comparison. It is consistent with the scarcity mindset that says, "if someone is going through something more difficult that I am, there is no space for me to show up with my grief." But I want to remind you, there is space for your grief and everyone else's. .
It's absolutely horrifying that people are becoming ill and dying all over the world. People are having difficulty accessing basic necessities for survival. People are losing their jobs and businesses. Healthcare workers are risking lives with little support and being overwhelmed by the demands of the community. People are experiencing extreme isolation and the pain of estranged relationships...There is a collective grief we are all experiencing and will continue to experience.
We are not at the peak period of this pandemic, but we have lost so much already. The loss of all the things we looked forward to - weddings, graduations, birthday celebrations, baby showers, vacations we had planned for years, get togethers with loved ones, job security, dreams we've been nurturing for years, simple days to go out to our favorite coffee shop or restaurant, basic freedom...and this list goes on. .
This is the beginning of our losses and it will change us all if it hasn't already. I want to encourage us to hold space for the grief that exists within the collective grief in our community. Validate the anger and the heartache of what isn't without invalidating it because it's not "as bad as" xyz and saying "I should be grateful". Recognize the denial as an attempt to cope. Give yourself permission to feel the shock of it in doses. Be open to being vulnerable about your sadness so that you can invite others to support you to contain what you are experiencing. Grieve so that you can begin the journey of healing 🙏
In doing so, we also give others permission to do the same and allow for authentic connection. May connection with yourself and others not be cancelled this season ❤️ Hang in there everyone. I am in the trenches with you.
Hatty J. Lee, LMFT (she/her) is an Asian American licensed marriage and family therapist and brainspotting practitioner who has been practicing for 14 years in community mental health settings, schools, and private practice virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California. As the founder and clinical director of a group practice called Oak and Stone Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, she trains clinicians and supports people to deepen their relationship with themselves and the most important people in their lives. She writes about mental health on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide that integrates visual storytelling, mental health education, and practical tools to support people to heal and thrive.
