Allow Space to Make Mistakes

So many of us spend a lot of time in the defensive zone within our relationships especially when we are being called out. Sometimes we need to allow space for that small voice that says "it's ok to mess up but just own up to it".

Owning up to our mistakes and imperfections does not mean we are not capable of being a good partner/friend/employee/family member or that we are bad. It just validates our human nature, and it helps us grow into more of the person we hope to be in the relationship and the person the other person may need. The worst thing we could do when we make a mistake in the relationship is to get defensive, minimize what we did as not a big deal, shut down and shame ourselves, and find fault in the other person. Instead, we can take responsibility for our mistake, acknowledge how it may have hurt or impacted the other person, be compassionate toward ourself and the other person involved, and problem solve/be explicit about a better way to respond to the situation the next time.

Hatty J. Lee, LMFT (she/her) is an Asian American licensed marriage and family therapist and brainspotting practitioner who has been practicing for 14 years in community mental health settings, schools, and private practice virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California. As the founder and clinical director of a group practice called Oak and Stone Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, she trains clinicians and supports people to deepen their relationship with themselves and the most important people in their lives. She writes about mental health on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide that integrates visual storytelling, mental health education, and practical tools to support people to heal and thrive.